Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
