Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can you bring me the toilet please
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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