oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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