when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
