We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
A bitchslap is in order.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
