I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
