We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
