He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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