those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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