He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
