ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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