Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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