What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize