Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
