Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize