Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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