Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
