You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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