We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
