Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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