you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
