Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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