Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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