your thong is hanging out like whoa
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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