You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
