forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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