would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
