I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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