I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
