I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
