I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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