did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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