I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
