boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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