The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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