I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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