I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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