i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
