420 ftw
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
