Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
