The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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