Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
