Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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