I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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