The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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