im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
