How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
