and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Farmville is her only friend.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
