I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
