I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
