Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize