That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
