I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
