He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
