No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
