The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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