It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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