what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
