everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
