I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
