Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
