I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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