dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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