i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize