nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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