I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize