And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
