let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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