Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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