I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
