I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
