dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize